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Humor: Things I’ve Learned In Texas

Posted by cann0nba11 on May 28, 2009

I usually don’t forward or share these lists, but after living more than half of my life in Texas, marrying a Texan who gave birth to two little Texans, I consider Texas my home. I drive a pickup, carry a gun, have two big dogs, cook brisket, and sometimes start sentences with “hell.” Enjoy.

  • Armadillos sleep in the middle of the road with their feet in the air.
  • There are 5,000 types of snakes on earth and 4,998 live in Texas
  • There are 10,000 types of spiders. ALL 10,000  live in Texas , plus a couple no one’s seen before.
  • If it grows, it sticks; if it crawls, it bites.
  • ‘Twiced’ is a word.
  • People actually grow and eat okra
  • ‘Fixinto’ is one word.
  • There is no such thing as ‘lunch.’ There is only dinner and then supper.
  • Iced tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you’re two. We do like a little tea with our sugar!
  • ‘Backwards and forwards’ means I know everything about you!
  • Djeet is actually a phrase meaning ‘Did you eat?’
  • You don’t have to wear a watch because it doesn’t matter what time it is. You work until you’re done  or it’s too dark to see.
  • You don’t PUSH buttons, you MASH them..
  • You measure distance in hours. Like its 6 hours from Houston to Dallas .
  • You’ll probably have to switch from ‘heat’ to ‘A/C’ in the same day.
  • ‘Fix’ is a verb. Example: ‘I’m fixing to go to the store.’
  • You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
  • Yes, Friday night high school football games is serious football!
  • You carry jumper cables in your car .. . .  for your OWN car.
  • There are only four spices: salt, pepper, Tabasco and ketchup..
  • The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require 6 pages for local gossip and sports.
  • 100 degrees Fahrenheit is ‘a little warm.’
  • We have four seasons: Almost Summer, Summer, still Summer and Christmas.
  • Going to Wal-mart is a favorite past time known as ‘goin’ to Wally-World.’
  • Gravy is a food group.
  • A cool snap (below 70 degrees) is good pinto-bean weather.
  • A carbonated soft drink isn’t a soda, cola or pop. . . . it’s a Coke, regardless of brand or flavor. Example:  ‘What kind a coke you want?’
  • Fried catfish is the other white meat.
  • We don’t need no stinking driver’s ed . . . if our mama says we can drive, we can drive.
  • And the most important thing we learn growing up in TEXAS is… IN GOD WE TRUST
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One Response to “Humor: Things I’ve Learned In Texas”

  1. poot said

    Don’t forget you always look down no matter where you walk cause you might step on a cockroach, a scorpion or a snake!!!

    Never stand in one place for too long without checking for fireants first!

    AIR CONDITIONING…standard in all vehicles (even tractors).

    poot

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