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Let’s Talk About Evil Profit Margins

Posted by cann0nba11 on September 2, 2009

When you think of big health care companies you probably think of brand names like CIGNA, Aetna, UnitedHealth or Humana. These days, when I hear “health care companies” I think of rabid angry liberals foaming at the mouth over the audacity of profit. Remember Hillary saying that she wants to “take those profits?” Remember when everyone was really angry last summer over “obscene” oil company profits? I wrote about this back then, and I need to revisit the topic thanks to the health care debate.

Brainiacs like Rachel Maddow will show you simple charts showing the big profit numbers that insurance companies generate. In the case of the oil companies they generated billions in profits. Insurance companies have generated millions in profits. But idiots like Maddow are focusing on profit, not profit margin. Profit is a sum total (or loss), it is how much money you have left after doing business. Profit margin is the ratio of what you have left versus how much you spent to generate those profits.

Last summer people were quite upset at the oil companies, then shut the heck up when they learned that they were making a mere 3-4% on their money. Sure, they made billions, but they spent many billions more to generate those profits. This year the enemy is the big evil insurance industry. How does it compare to the oil industry?

  • CIGNA: 9.69%
  • Aetna: 4.00%
  • United Health: 3.97%
  • Humana: 3.57%

Hardly monstrous. In fact, CIGNA is the only company in the health care sector with a profit margin above 5%. It is an outlier. Hospitals average 3.5% profit, and Health Care Plans average 3.3%. (source) In fact, in the list of industry profit margins, the evil Bush/Cheney Health Care companies are #86. Oh my… so scary.

What about other evil conservative-loving industries? Like big oil, the specific sector of Oil & Gas is evil, with an average profit margin in that industry of 9.7%. How do they sleep at night?  What about Accident & Health Insurance companies? How does a profit margin of 3.8% sound? Wait, oil & gas drilling and exploration companies are double evil since they make money while destroying nature. They do alright with profit margins of 9.7%.

We now have two summers of highly publicized and well-documented liberal anti-profit angst to serve as the basis of my next point. If I follow the libtards mindset correctly, profits above 5% are obscene and should be redistributed or eliminated altogether. We”ve seen the video, we”ve heard the cries. The libtards have drawn this line in the sand. (sidebar: I love calling liberals “libtards.” They hate it when we use their own tactics against them, in this case, name calling.)

If you are a liberal and you can”t stand health care profits, perhaps you should give up your health care, and while you are at it, stop using products that generate even more profit. Which companies?

  • Brewing companies average 25.9%
  • Software companies average 22.7%
  • Cigarette companies average 17.4%
  • Wineries average 11.8%
  • Domestic Telecommunications companies average 8.9%
  • Home Health Care = 8.4%
  • Personal Computer Manufacturers make 7.5%
  • Footwear companies average 6.4%
  • Evil Auto Parts stores? 5.8%
  • Periodical Publishers (magazines) make 5.2%

What about specific companies? Are you libtards ready to give up any of these?

  • Coke: 24.64%
  • Hansen (Monster Energy Drinks): 19.08%
  • Dr. Pepper/Snapple: 10.67
  • Iconix: (London Fogg, Joe Boxer, Ocean Pacific, Waverly, Starter): 34.90%
  • Coach: 18.75% (what do you expect when you spend $500 for a purse?)
  • Popeye”s Chicken 17.93%

What is my point? Some companies will make massive profits because thy do massive amounts of business transactions. If 5% is too much profit for Humana or Exxon/Mobile, why isn’t Hillary Clinton legislating the confiscation of profits from Coke, Coach or Popeye’s? They are financially raping Americans far more severely than the insurance companies, right? So, if you are a good, non-hypocritical liberal able to live your life guilt free, be sure to give up that cigarette and coke during your work break, go ahead and sell your purse, and forget about picking up some chicken on the way home from work. Don”t bother snuggling up to a good magazine with a glass of wine. Forget about using that laptop. You can”t do any of these things because doing so supports obscene profits.
I hear Amish country is beautiful this time of year.


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